The problem in my life and other people's lives is not the
absence of knowing what to do, but the absence of doing it.
-- Peter Drucker
If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be
lost. Now put foundations under them.
-- Henry David Thoreau
It is never too late to be what we might have been.
-- George Eliot
The Dalai Lama argues that, fundamentally, we all seek more
and greater happiness in our lives and that one of the
great questions in life is, 'What makes my life totally
fulfilled and totally happy?'
For many people, happiness is related to money, and
happiness means accumulating wealth. For them, money has
great value and they are motivated to work hard and
smarter, and to use money in ways that make them happy.
But there are thousands of individual differences in how
that works. Some make money and give it all away. Some make
money and hoard it, even burying it in the backyard, while
others invest it, and still others make a show of
displaying a wealth of possessions.
For others, happiness has little to do with money, and they
seek fulfillment in their creativity, or they find ultimate
happiness in family relationships, or by serving others.
There are many paths up the mountain called 'happiness'!
One of the most important distinctions the Dalai Lama makes
is between happiness and pleasure. We can all think of
experiences that bring us delightful pleasure but which
utterly fail to make us 'happy' in life. Almost everyone
enjoys a fine meal, perhaps with good wine, but we all
reject a life of gluttony and drunkenness.
So the question: What makes you truly happy?
This is a central question for the World Class Life
Conference next month, because in order to have a GREAT
life, we must first determine what it might look like. What
are the key pieces of a great and joyful life FOR YOU?
Almost 150 years ago, Henry Thoreau wrote that most people
'live lives of quiet desperation', and sadly, I think
that's still true. All our wealth and freedom, our
education and military power, even our access to the wisdom
and literature of past generations has not created a
society in which most people are 'happy'. Indeed, many
people seem to be incredibly unhappy. With all this freedom
to choose our destiny and create the life we truly want,
why aren't more people happy?
I think this is a vital question. It may even be THE
question for modern adults to ponder and answer. Given that
you can live almost anywhere you choose, read and learn
almost any skill, and have pretty much any reasonable
lifestyle you want, WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?
What are your happiest memories? What are your happiest
fantasies, dreams and aspirations? Who do you know who
seems to be truly, massively happy?
What makes YOU happy? At the end of life, what will allow
you to say, 'I did it right. I made good choices. I am
HAPPY with the way I lived my life!' Whatever your answer,
in the coming days and weeks, do more of it, and do less of
everything else.
Philip Humbert
In this newsletter, you learn how to "tune in" to
yourself so you can make the right decision in every situation.
Using Your Inner Guidance System
We know that the body has a natural bias toward
health and energy. It's designed to last for 100
years with proper care and maintenance. When
something goes wrong with any part of our body,
we experience it in the form of pain or discomfort of some kind.
We know that when our body is not functioning
smoothly and painlessly, something is wrong, and
we take action to correct it. We go to a doctor;
we take pills; we undergo physical therapy,
massage or chiropractic. We know that if we
ignore pain or discomfort for any period of time,
it could lead to something more serious.
How to Tell Right From Wrong
In the same sense, nature also gives us a way to
tell emotionally what's right for us and what's
wrong for us in life. Just as nature gives us
physical pain to guide us to doing or not doing
things in the physical realm, nature gives us
emotional pain to guide us toward doing or not
doing things in the emotional or mental realm.
The wonderful thing is that you're constructed so
that if you simply listen carefully to
yourselfto your mind, your body and your
emotionsand follow the guidance you're given,
you can dramatically enhance the quality of your life.
Just as the natural physical state of your body
is health and vitality, your natural emotional
state is peace and happiness. Whenever you
experience a deviation from peace and happiness,
it's an indication that something is amiss.
Something is wrong with what you're thinking,
doing or saying. Your feeling of inner happiness
is the best indicator you could ever have to tell
you what you should be doing more of and what you should be doing less of.
The Messenger
Unhappiness is to your life as pain is to your
body. It is sent as a messenger to tell you that
what you're doing is wrong for you.
Very often, you'll suffer from what has been
called "divine discontent." You'll feel fidgety
and uneasy for a reason or reasons that are
unclear to you. You'll be dissatisfied with the
status quo. Sometimes, you'll be unable to sleep.
Sometimes, you'll be angry or irritable. Very
often, you'll get upset with things that have
nothing to do with the real issue. You'll have a
deep inner sense that something isn't as it
should be, and you'll often feel like a fish on a
hook, wriggling and squirming emotionally to get free.
Divine Discontent
And that is a good thing. Divine discontent
always comes before a positive life change. If
you were perfectly satisfied, you would never
take any action to improve or change your
circumstances. Only when you're dissatisfied for
some reason do you have the inner motivation to
engage in the outer behaviors that lead you onward and upward.
Listen to yourself. Trust your inner voice. Go
with the flow of your own personality. Do the
things that make you feel happy inside and you'll
probably never make another mistake.
Action Exercises
Here are three steps you can take immediately to put these ideas into action.
First, listen to yourself and trust your own
feelings. If there is a part of your life that
causes you stress and unhappiness, resolve to deal with it.
Second, identify those areas of your life where
you are dissatisfied or frustrated for any
reason. What changes should you, could you make?
Third, remember that nature wants you to be
happy, healthy, popular and prosperous. Any
deviation from those conditions is a signal to you that action is necessary.
Author: Brian Tracy
"Once you know that what you think about expands, you start
getting real careful about what you think about."
-- Wayne Dyer
"The way we live our days, is the way we live our lives."
-- Annie Dillard
"We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a
big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can
make which, over time, add up to big differences that we
often cannot foresee."
-- Marian Wright Edelman
Except. when it comes to tools for the mind.
Whether it's audio programs or books, or classes or
coaching, as a society too often we "can't afford it". How
many of us will invest in a new laptop, a vacation or new
barbeque grill (I recently bought one) but then look at the
cost of a book and convince ourselves that we can't afford
it, and if we bought it, we "wouldn't have time" to read
it?
We all know that we live in the "information age" and that
continuous learning is the key to the future, and yet as a
practical matter, we are "too busy".
I recently talked with a colleague who coaches real estate
brokers and she noted that her most productive clients
"constantly" listen to audio programs. She noted that "if a
person will not (listen to tapes), I don't think they are
coachable. Listening to tapes is the LEAST they can do to
increase their income potential. If they won't do that, I
won't coach them."
I agree.
We all have areas where we MUST improve our performance.
Whether the challenge is in our careers, our families, our
fitness, communication skills or a hobby, staying where we
are is no longer an option. The world is moving too quickly
and changing too fast. We must improve our skills on a
daily basis.
Fortunately, this is not difficult. What's difficult is
finding time to DO more stuff, but I am not talking about
that. In fact, my point is that we should be doing LESS,
but doing it better, smarter and with more joy. Too often,
we confuse activity with productivity, and they are NOT the
same thing!
There is a old story that one of Henry Ford's early
production lines broke down and after his staff had tried
everything they could think of to fix it, he called a
specialist, who found the problem and fixed it in a few
minutes. Later, he sent Ford a bill for $10,000, which was
a fortune at that time.
Ford refused to pay it, claiming it was far too much for
ten minute's work, so the specialist revised his bill to
read, "Repairs, $10. Knowing HOW to do the repair, $9,990."
Ford quickly paid the bill.
Knowing what to do, when and how to do it, pays off!
One of the great ironies of our age is that for the first
time in history, survival is rarely a question. We have
food, clothing and shelter in abundance and are free to
spend our time pursuing other things. The question becomes,
what will you do with your one and only, marvelous life?
Will you collect things, or memories? Will you pursue more
and better "stuff", or a better life?
In Thomas Leonard's memorable phrase, the choice is between
creating a life or building a lifestyle.
Author: Philip Humbert
Are you aware that your body language reveals your deepest
feelings and hidden thoughts to total strangers?
Body language is a mixture of movement, posture and tone
of voice. It might surprise you to know that research indicates
over 70 percent of our communication is done nonverbally. In
fact, studies show that nonverbal communication has a much
greater impact and reliability than the spoken word. Therefore,
if your prospect's words are incongruent with his or her body
language gestures, you would be wise to rely on their body
language as a more accurate reflection of their true feelings.
Gain the Competitive Edge
Get started on the right foot. Research shows that we decide
in the first few moments whether we like someone or not. Yes,
we also judge a book by its cover too. There is absolutely no
substitute for a positive first impression. Create a favorable
first impression and build rapport quickly by using open body
language.
In addition to smiling and making good eye contact, you
should show the palms of your hands, keep your arms
unfolded and your legs uncrossed.
Create harmony by "matching and mirroring" your prospect's
body language gestures. Matching and mirroring is unconscious
mimicry. It's a way of subconsciously telling another that you
like them and agree with them.
The next time you are at a social event, notice how many
people are subconsciously matching one another. Likewise,
when people disagree, they subconsciously mismatch their
body language gestures.
You can build trust and rapport by deliberately, but subtly,
matching your prospect's body language in the first ten to
fifteen minutes of the appointment. For example, if you notice
that your prospect has crossed his or her arms, subtly cross
your arms to match them. After you believe you have developed
trust and rapport, verify it by uncrossing your arms and see if
your prospect will match and mirror you as you move into a
more open posture.
If you notice your prospect subconsciously matching your
body language gestures, congratulations, because this indicates
you have developed trust and rapport. Conversely, if you notice
your prospect mismatching your body language gestures, you
know trust and rapport has not been established and you need
to continue matching and mirroring them.
Body Language Basics
Be mindful to evaluate the flow of "gesture clusters" rather
than isolated gestures taken out of context. Listed below are
some important body language gestures that will help you close
more sales in less time.
Body Postures: There are two basic categories; Open/Closed
and Forward/Back.
In an open and receptive body posture, arms are unfolded, legs
uncrossed and palms are exposed. In a closed body posture,
arms are folded, legs are crossed and the entire body is usually
turned away.
· Leaning back and closed = Lack of interest
· Leaning back and open = Contemplation and cautious interest
· Leaning forward and closed = Potential aggressive behavior
· Leaning forward and open = Interest and agreement
Head Gestures
· Head neutral = Neutral and open attitude
· Tilted back = Superior attitude
· Tilted down = Negative and judgmental attitude
· Tilted to one side = Interest
Facial Gestures
· Eye rub = Deceit, "see no evil"
· Eye roll = Dismissive gesture that indicates superiority
· Looking over top of glasses = Scrutiny and a critical attitude
· Nose rub = Dislike of the subject
· Hand or fingers blocking mouth = Deceit, "speak no evil"
· Chin stroking = Making a decision
· Thumb under chin with index finger pointing vertically along
the cheek = Negative attitude and critical judgment
Are you missing your prospect's buy signals? As a professional
salesperson you must continuously monitor your prospect's
body language and adjust your presentation accordingly. By
knowing your prospect's body language gestures you will
minimize perceived sales pressure and know when it's
appropriate to close the sale!
ACTION PLAN
1. Keep this article handy and read it again just before your
next client appointment.
2. Before you begin matching and mirroring the body language
gestures of your prospects, first practice by matching and
mirroring family members, friends or associates.
3. During your appointment, make a mental note of your client's
three most frequently used gestures.
4. Identify your three most frequently used gestures and work
on eliminating any negative or intimidating gestures.
author: John Boe
John Boe presents a wide variety of motivational and
sales-oriented keynotes and seminar programs for sales
meetings and conventions. John is a nationally recognized
sales trainer and business motivational speaker with an
impeccable track record in the meeting industry.
The mantra of our age seems to be, 'better, faster, cheaper
and more, more, more!', and the problem is that it's not
always helpful.
This week I told Mary that while the past few weeks have
been unusually busy, and very productive, I'm not having as
much fun as I would like. We are making more, but enjoying
it less, and that's not a good thing!
As we talked it through, it was clear that two different
processes were involved and we had to sort them out.
The first was being clear about our values.
We both love doing stuff, learning things, building things,
starting things. We love things that challenge us or
promise to enrich our lives, so we are suckers for every
great new idea that comes along - and there are lots of
great ideas!
But our values are not around glamour or excitement or
even, primarily around money or success. Our values tend
to be more about relationships, quality time, travel and
education, peace of mind and personal integrity, and the
problem is that our culture rarely encourages or talks
about those things.
The media tends to applaud public displays of wealth or
power or popularity, and our culture celebrates things that
result in 'progress' or tangible profit. And those are
good things! Don't get me wrong - I love both progress
and making a profit!
But, as Emerson observed, 'sometimes money costs too much.'
We noticed that in our rush to jump on several recent
opportunities, we were getting caught up in what Michael
Angier calls 'the thick of thin things' and it wasn't
working for us. A return to personal values is called for.
Secondly, we had failed to plan, and as the saying goes,
'those who fail to plan, are planning to fail.'
In our case, the failures were not obvious. In terms of
profits, we are doing very well, and that is exciting!
It's wonderful to see things come together and to receive
the applause of friends and business associates. It's fun,
it's good - and it's seductive.
We were off balance and off track. We were canceling
private time and postponing important priorities. We were
missing the joy of time together and the daily activities
we value. We had failed to plan, and so the distractions
of life were running away with our schedules, and again,
that is not a recipe for success!
So, we've cut back on activities and are talking about our
values every day. We talk about what we love, what we
cherish, what we stand for. It's not that we had forgotten
these things, but we have realized (again) that it is our
personal responsibility to align ourselves with our values,
and to do it on purpose, every day.
And, we have re-committed to investing time and money and
energy in the things that mean the MOST to us. We have re-
committed to planning our lives, to living from values, and
to making the most of our talents, our relationships, and the
opportunities to live well, rather than to being merely busy.
Philip Humbert, PhD
